


(Lie Back and) Think of the Queen

by kerfuffling



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Aliens Make Them Do It, Crack, M/M, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 22:43:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerfuffling/pseuds/kerfuffling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared never expected his ass to become the star of the show when he and Jensen find themselves trapped in a cave on an alien world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Lie Back and) Think of the Queen

“It’s fre-e-e-zing,” Jared chatters lowly, drawing as close to the synthetic fire as he can, the black flames giving off little to no light. He can barely see Jensen even though they’re huddled together, and he brushes a gloved hand across Jensen’s coat just to make sure he’s not alone.

Jensen slowly withdraws something from his mouth and cradles it gingerly in his hands. “Shut the fuck up,” he hisses, practically too quiet to hear, and they both chance a look at the mouth of the cave, far enough to be only a pinprick of sun and snow. Thankfully, nothing skulks through the white at the opening, which means they’re probably safe. For now, at least. “Your fucking fault we’re here anyways,” Jensen continues, still in a low murmur. “I thought you said the the natives would be congregating in the city for their festival or some shit. I swear to god, you’re the worst anthropologist I’ve ever met.”

“Hey!” Jared defends himself, careful to keep as quiet as Jensen. “How was I supposed to know that they’d leave some guards on the outer rim? That was the whole point of coming down here, wasn’t it? To map the unknown territory?”

“Instead we got chased around by aliens who want nothing more than a human sandwich for lunch,” Jensen sneers sarcastically. “Great plan, Jared.” 

“Shut the fuck up. We’re alive, aren’t we? And not really in any danger yet. Besides, I’m not the scientist who created a weapon that’s fucking useless.” 

“It does work,” Jensen snarls. “In hot, humid, _normal_ temperatures. I never planned to need it in the arctic. You’re the one who assured me we wouldn’t get caught here! I brought it just as a precaution.”

Jared sighs deeply. This argument is pointless and getting them absolutely nowhere. “Is there any way we can get it to work? I mean, shouldn’t you have been able to get it big enough to shape yet?”

Jensen makes a disgusted noise, and for a second Jared thinks he’s going to throw their only chance at survival off into the black of the cave. “No,” he says disgustedly. “It was made to be functional in a climate where the body heat from your hands could make it grow. It doesn’t work well with the moisture of my mouth, no matter how warm it is. This isn’t something I ever anticipated having to overcome. Because I’m a moron. Obviously.”

“You’re not a moron,” Jared says reproachfully. “We’ll think of something.”

Jensen has been in the process of correcting his invention for almost as long as Jared’s known him. It’s really impressive--Jared’s seen it at work enough times to admit it. He found it underwhelming at first--similar to a metal coffee stirrer and entirely unexciting-- but when it’s warmed up it begins to expand, at which point the metal becomes malleable enough to be crafted into anything. Once it’s big enough, and therefore stable, leaving it in the cold is enough to get it to retain its shape for a good twelve hours.

It’s something they desperately need right now, considering the population of alien hunters that are currently crawling all over the terrain making it impossible to return to their ship and get off-world.

“You try,” Jensen says, clumsily handing the stick of metal off to Jared. He cradles it in his hands, looking at the gleam of the saliva slicking it in the low light of their fire, and he gets an idea so awful it will probably work.

“Warm, dry heat, right?” he asks slowly, turning his plan over in his head.

“Uh, yeah, just like the last million times we tried,” Jensen says. “Nothing’s working, short of breaking the seal on the fire, and that’ll just make it go out too fast to help.”

“I know what to do,” Jared says. “Hold this.” He gives Jensen’s invention, still nameless though not for lack of trying, back to him and strips off his mittens.

“You’re going to get frostbite,” Jensen gripes.

Jared ignores him and starts working at the tie of his heavy woolen pants. His fingers are thick with cold, and it takes him a couple of tries, but he’s soon pulling his underwear over the curve of his ass. The wind is a shock to his system, and he suppresses another shiver as he looks back at Jensen, who is gaping at him.

“Said I knew what to do,” he says quietly, and then, in case Jensen hasn’t gotten the clue, he carefully lies down on his stomach, thankful that Jensen had at least been smart enough to bring an insulating blanket in his pack in preparation for such emergencies.

Jensen makes a sound like he’s choking on his own spit. “You’ve got to be joking me. Please tell me you’re fucking with me, Jared.”

“It’s the only thing that will work,” Jared snaps. “Hurry it up, will you? It’s frickin’ cold.”

“You’re insane,” Jensen says faintly. “This is crazy, and you’re going to end up being eaten while you’re half-ass naked in the middle of a cave.” Jared can tell he’s turning the idea over in his head, though, just from the look on his face.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m sort of lying here at the ready, freezing my ass off, and the longer you sit around pretending like this isn’t a good plan, the less time we have to make sure we don’t become alien dinner.”

Jensen doesn’t answer, just shuffles around for a minute, and then his hand touches the globe of Jared’s ass, cold without his mitten. Jared arches away from it for a second before settling into the caress. It’s not like they haven’t done this before--well, without the life threatening situation and Jared’s ass being used as a furnace to craft a weapon that will save their skins--and Jensen’s touch is intimate and comforting. Jared can hear the wet sound of Jensen sucking on something for a second, erotic and dirty, and then it’s silent again as Jensen uses his finger to trail around Jared’s hole.

“It’s going to be cold,” he warns. “And then it’ll get really big really fast.” He’s breathing hard in a way that makes Jared think he’s not the only one inappropriately turned on by the way things are going, despite the circumstances.

“Okay,” Jared says, and his own breath is coming a little quicker. 

Jensen wasn’t kidding when he said it would be cold, and the intrusion is unwelcome for the first couple of seconds as Jensen’s fingers dimple into the skin of Jared’s ass, pushing his invention slowly inside of him. The swell of it is slow at first, almost unnoticeable, and Jared shifts his hips a little as Jensen places a kiss at the nape of his neck. 

“I’m going to keep moving it,” Jensen says. “So it doesn’t get stuck.”

That’s a mental picture Jared could do without, but the metal is rounding out nicely, warmed with Jared’s body temperature, and he shudders again, this time entirely not due to the temperature. He can hear Jensen’s little hitching gasps, and the hand not fucking the metal in and out of Jared has disappeared from Jared’s body. He can’t help but wonder if Jensen is palming himself through his pants, and the thought of it makes his dick chub up underneath him, pressed almost painfully into the hard ground.

He makes a shocked little noise as the metal expands further, pressing a full weight into him by now. It’s long since passed the point of being odd and uncomfortable, and Jared can’t help but rut down against the blanket, the friction on his dick deliciously painful. Jensen moans under his breath, and Jared answers the noise, straining to hear any sign of Jensen jacking off over the rub of the metal and the sound of his own movement against the floor.

In the back of his mind, Jared is almost convinced that they’re making too much noise and will be discovered at any moment. Now that Jensen has broken the silence, he can’t help but make little noises, his hips grinding with purpose now as his dick throbs. The pull of the metal hurts a little now, too dry, catching on Jared’s skin and stretching him open wide. 

“Almost there,” Jensen grunts, and he sounds so wrecked that Jared can’t help it. He cants his hips up off the ground a fraction of an inch, just enough so that he can worm his hand under his body and wrap it around his cock. It’s awkward, maybe, and definitely not the best position, but Jensen makes this _noise_ and it’s enough to make Jared circle his hips faster, fucking into his hand as Jensen fucks his invention into Jared.

Jensen makes this particularly hard push, dragging the metal right against Jared’s sweet spot, and that’s it--that’s all she wrote--before Jared’s coming, making a mess of the blanket and his shirt as he bucks through his orgasm, smearing himself with his own come. Jensen’s sharp cry is enough to confirm Jared’s suspicions about what he’d been doing with his free hand.

For a second, Jared thinks Jensen’s forgotten about his invention, still pressing Jared’s ass open, but Jensen proves to be more coherent after an orgasm when their lives are in danger, because he gingerly pulls it out not thirty seconds later.

Jared feels wide open, split in the dirtiest way, and it’s surprisingly erotic. He turns over on his stomach, carefully in case Jensen’s invention has done damage that Jared hasn’t felt yet, and watches Jensen slowly craft the metal into a sharp-pointed spear, using the edge of a rock to do so.

“Only you would have an orgasm when there’s imminent danger of death,” Jensen mutters, but Jared can make out the curve of his smile.

“If I’m dying, I might as well have some fun beforehand,” Jared quips. “Now hurry up and finish that thing so we can get back to base and have real sex without the threat of being eaten.”

“It’s a plan,” Jensen says, and his grin is so big, so wicked, that Jared knows the aliens don’t stand a fucking chance.


End file.
